Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
