They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
