So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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