whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I could fuck to npr.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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