What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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