i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You took a bar mat shot.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
