just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
