Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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