Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i love accidental penises.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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