haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
