So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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