i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
