somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
