Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
