I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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