It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
