I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
