That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
