i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
