question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
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