Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
