Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
