This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
