waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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