please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
