I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
