Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
