My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
