I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still dying that you shit outside
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
