If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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