i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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