Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
