Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
