She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
