OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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