I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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