Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
