good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
