I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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