Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
