okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
