One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
