I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the day after is always just damage control
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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