ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
