Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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