Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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