I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
