So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
