he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
