we have officially lost it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
