but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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