so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
my liver is dry heaving
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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