you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
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do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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