Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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