As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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