I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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