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question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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