My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
