Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had sex on a dog bed..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So here I am, sexting at work.
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