Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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