Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
