last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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