We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
