No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I faked an abortion last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
