My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
