It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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