When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize