You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
