i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just want to make out with him forever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
