we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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