Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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