did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
