no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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