He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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