i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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