did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I believe in your delicious
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
