I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
