he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
